Tailgate Umbrella and HitchLet your Bama friends have it...
What is The University of Alabama Football... (as told by our readers)
It is getting serenaded with "Rocky Top" by the Minnesota band after losing
a 3rd-tier bowl game.
It is worshipping an old dead drunk.
It is losing cases in courtrooms from Memphis to Tuscaloosa and still
thinking you were innocent.
It is losing 3 in a row and 4 of 5 to your arch-rival and still maintaining
an air of superiority.
It's rolling baby, it's rolling. (I love Destiny references)
It is never beating your archrival in your home stadium, named after the
dead drunk, and claiming your archrival has an inferiority complex.
It is claiming 12 national titles when no one else with half a brain
recognizes you with more than 6.
It is claiming a national championship after losing to Mississippi State and
Vandy.
It is claiming national championships retroactively.
It is claiming national championships after losing you r bowl game.
It is all about the Benjamins.
It is 5 coaches in 5 years.
It is 2 probations for cheating in less than 10 years.
It is a worse record and winning percentage than AU in the last 20 years.
It is going to Hawaii to get beat and calling it a "Bowl" game.
It is moral victory after moral victory.
It is having a coach with less career wins than Tuberville got in one year.
It is knowing that your biggest tradition is buying and bidding on players.
It is being a national laughingstock and not even realizing it.
It is delusion, delusion, delusion..
It is "knowing" you are the best team even when you lose.
It is knowing that the refs are against you.
It is knowing that the NCAA is against you.
It is knowing that UT owns you.
It is getting turned down by USF's coach.
It is trying to make yourself believe that you're superior to Auburn.
It is going through 4 coaches in 2 years.
It is having head coaches leave for places like Duke, Kentucky, UTEP, Texas
A&M, Millsaps College, and Luverne High School.
It is having your 5th choice for HC turn you down.
It is asking if "Got Twelve?" refers to the number of players in your
history that weren't bought and paid for.
It is watching Tommy Tuberville AND Phil Fulmer having as many SEC wins at
your home stadium as your own Head Coach.
It is dreaming of a day when you could beat Tennessee 3 times in 15 months.
It is hoping that Northern Illinois doesn't show up again to ruin
Homecoming.
It is reminiscing of Shula's Greatest Game - a win over Southern Miss.
It is offering Ole Miss walk-ons Football Scholarships.
It is sharing a home field with the Blazers.
It is being proudly named the "Crimson Tide" after merely tying Auburn in a
football game - and broadcasting that fact to the world on your web site.
It is fans proudly displaying toilet paper rolls and empty detergent boxes
when the whole world can see that you don't know how to use either.
It is a Million Dollar Band and a Two Million Dollar Defensive Line.
It is decades of ignorantly mocking your arch rival for being named the
Tigers and yelling "War Eagle" when you're called the Crimson Tide and have
an Elephant walk the sidelines.
It is having your head football coach make less than the head basketball
coach.
It is Phyllis of Mulga being the prettiest face in the Bama crowd.
It is giving your head coach a contract extension after going 4-9 and 6-6.
It is giving your head coach a contract where he can earn a bonus for
winning 7 games - and the bonus remaining unpaid.
It is throwing bricks through your coach's window after a 10 win season.
It is knowing that Notre Dame takes pride in saying "well, at least we're
not as bad as A Alabama".
It is bragging about playing your arch rival close but losing with your
third string QB, third string FB, and third string RB when just 2 years
prior your arch rival beat you with their second string QB, fourth string
FB, and fourth string RB on your own field.
It is running off the last coach that won you a National Championship.
It is recognizing that the closest your Head Coach and Quarterback will be
to a ring is when they shake their father's hand.
It is threatening to leave the SEC and having no one notice.
It is pulling for Memphis because they're actually winning and they have
your 150k D-lineman.
It is proclaiming your QB to be the best thing since sliced bread after he
shreds Utah State, Mississippi, and Western Carolina before he gets
hurt....again.
It is having a head coach realize that the ugliest stripper in Pensacola was
prettier than the Alabama coaching job.
It is s running off your backup QB by playing him with a concussion.
It is having a losing record since January 1st 2000.
It is tarnishing the legend of your greatest coach by playing an incoherent
drunken sound-clip at the beginning of each football game.
It is knowing what used to be and then realizing what is.
It is being the fourth best football team in your state.
It is scoring 20 whole points in 3 centuries against your arch-rival on
campus.
It is forfeiting games for playing an ineligible player for an entire
season.
It is getting caught cheating while still on probation.
It is having the AD with the most experience hiring head coaches in the
nation, yet worst track record.
It is trying to convince your 15 year old son that Bama is a powerhouse
because he can't remember those days.
It is having your senior quarterback declare that his team has as much
talent as Auburn, despite being g 0-3 vs. Auburn and watching Auburn win 5
more games against mutual opponents over the past 3 years.
It is having Vandy or Kentucky on your schedule for 50 consecutive years,
until 2005's SEC rotation finally kicks them both off.
It is running up the score....against Western Carolina....and limping off
the field.
It is declaring that your D is "back" despite watching it give up 20 or more
points to Arkansas, South Carolina, LSU, Auburn, and Minnesota - all in
losing efforts.
It is breathing a sigh of relief, because Troy lost to Northern Illinois
too!
It is bringing an offensive coordinator out of a 4 year retirement...from
Tulsa...after he posted 1 winning record in 12 seasons.
It is bragging that as an OC, Shula's NFL O was ranked #29, and then
realizing that the NFL only has 32 teams.
It is preselling season DVDs because no one will want to buy them after the
season.
It is having a radio announcer that will remind you of a victory 20 years
ago every five minutes.
It is paying more to settle sexual harassment lawsuits against your coaches
than you paid to build your chimes named after an all-night diner.
It is having a flea market outside your stadium on game day and calling it
"atmosphere".
It is knowing that your coach scored more on his secretary than he did
against Auburn in your home stadium.
It is having Auburn's head coach given The "Bahr Bryant" coaching award.
It is the memory of your greatest coach losing his last Iron Bowl.
It is that horrid pregame shrill you call an elephant that more accurately
resembles the sound of the Bear rolling over in his grave.
It is having a local Mercedes plant but advertising that Kia is the official
import car of your football team.
It is having a losing record to Phil Fulmer who bears a remarkable
resemblance to the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
It is hiring your head coach away from being a Maitre D' at a steak-house.
It is paying 900k a year to go 10-15.
It's having a 2-3 record versus Louisiana Tech.
It is being turned in by the Dough Boy, then blaming him because you were cheating.
It is coming to the gross realization that you may never be a great team
again because the NCAA has finally figured you out.
This is Alabama Football.
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The Alabama Creed
We believe that this is a delusional world and that we can talk only about what Bear did. Therefore, we believe in the past, the distant past. We believe in education, and though we did not technically attend the University of Alabama , we know a guy that did. We believe in honesty and truthfulness, because when the punishment for marijuana possession is ice cream, there is really no need to lie. We believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid. Well, maybe a little afraid of the thumb. We believe in obedience to law, except for the ones concerning money laundering, because they hinder recruiting. We believe in the human touch, even if we have to pay for it at seedy Pensacola strip clubs. We believe in our Country, because it is a land of freedom, and where else on Earth could a man wearing a gold chain earn two million dollars a year losing football games. And because Alabama men and women believe in these things, We believe in Alabama (football) and love it... when we are winning.
